Working for Friends

The nine inches of snow we got today tell a different story, but I can feel the wriggle of life under the blanket that January and February have buried me with. It happened twice this week. I read or heard something and wanted to write about it. Squee! It seems like a long time since that has happened.

So, what shall we talk about?

That moment you realized you aren’t as weird as you thought? When you read Fifty Shades and weren’t scared but wanted to Samba around the library because you realized you had a tribe.

Friendship, when it’s not about love, it’s about differences.

BTS is coming back stateside and I need to stop pinning about them. That’s pinning not pining. Two different things. If you follow me on Pinterest, I’m sorry, I can’t stop. I promise not to be offended if you leave me because one more picture or gif of him is going to send you over the edge of sanity.

Okay. I’m leaning toward either BDSM or Friendship.

Let’s go with mostly, get the work out-of-the-way before the fun.

jorge-flores-223750-unsplash

I have a friend that I love, but she doesn’t feel loved. Our friendship has been unraveling a bit since her job took her to another school and busy schedules have kept us apart. It got exponentially worse when she quit her job before Christmas and didn’t sign up for another section of night school. Now she has time. She’s no longer so busy she can’t see straight. Me though, I’m still doing what I’ve been doing since we met. It’s not going to be enough anymore.

This week on Facebook she posted an article When You Realize A Friend Doesn’t Feel the Same Way About You.

I think it was directed toward me. I could be wrong, but I haven’t called her, and I know that’s what she needs. We haven’t spoken since the end of January. Truthfully, how I feel about her hasn’t changed. I still love her craziness, her forthright manner, her passion, and drive. However, January and February were tough. March has come in with almost a foot of snow and with it a host of problematic issues at home. When I think of calling her, I feel tired. Then I look at the title of the article, and I get a little mad. It isn’t that I don’t love you as much as you love me. It’s merely that I love you different than you love me. When we worked together and talked together every day, it was less apparent, but we do have vastly different personalities.

I’m a hermit on the weekends. I like to go home and stay there. I watch movies, read, write, anything I can do from under my comforter. I don’t answer my phone, that’s a big no-no with her. I try my best to answer when she calls. In fact, I’ll answer her call more often than my sisters. Shh, don’t tell them. Most people who’ve known me very long just text me. I am a writer.

She loves to go out on the weekends, have drinks and dinner with friends, meet and get coffee on Saturday mornings, sometimes shop. She loves to talk.

I love to talk, too, but just to the voices in my head, or with my characters. I find that what I enjoy talking about is either writing and boring her to death or largely inappropriate for public discussion. I’m best left in my head.

She is doing stellar right now, losing weight, looking amazing, exercising at the Y, supporting her kids in their myriad activities.

Me, I’m herminating like there is no tomorrow. I drive my kids to TaeKwonDo, Dance, Church Activities, Drama Club-but like me my kids like to hermit hardcore on the weekends. They read, dance, study Korean, watch YouTube, shovel snow. As the youngest friend notes, “You guys never do anything!”

Yes, it’s just how we like it.

I don’t love her less, I’m just being me. I don’t believe she loves me less, she’s just being her. It may be a vain hope, but I hope we come back together. When the sun shines, and everything is warm and bright, I hope we find our way back to each other.

 

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12 Comments

  1. –totally with you on the “feeling something stirring that always get squelched” mood. I’m hoping the spring gives me just that little bit more energy, but it’s true that every time that I think, I’ve got just a little bit more to give, something arrives that needs it more than I do.

    –also, an hour ago I heard the first flakes hit the window pane here. Sigh. They’re saying this could be the last big storm of the season, except I think they are just saying that in order to eep us from engaging in a Jonestown style self-massacre.

    –the friends issue — I lost one of my very best grad school friends this way. She needed something from me that I couldn’t give at the time she needed it, and it was similar to your situation — she needed my time / attention. I have never found a solution to this problem. I’m grateful for friends who can let us resume where we left off but it’s true there aren’t so many of them.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Our weatherman is saying another big one will hit on Thursday. I’m not sure where they’re putting the piles of yesterday’s snow.

      I too have yet to find a good balance between my love of being by myself and spending time with other people. It must sound odd to others. But being with others requires a specific kind of energy from me. One whose stores are not endless. I mean, it’s work. Sometimes work that I love that pays off highly, mostly not though. Thankfully I do have a friend or two that understand that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thankfully we only got 3 in last night. That Thursday storm is supposed to arrive here too but I think it might be 40 degrees, so while it will mess stuff up and cause flooding, at least it won’t be snow.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. yeah, I want it to warm up, but it needs to happen gradually. We specifically would probably not have an issue, but many people around here would if the rivers flood, which seems likely if there’s a sudden thaw or inches and inches of rain.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry your friend is putting pressure on you. You’re smart to realize it’s driven by the differences between the two of you. I hope you’ll be able to resume the friendship when you become less hermit like. I hope she’ll be able to realize that you were in self preservation mode. Enjoy this snow Carly!! Might be the last big storm of the year… or maybe not!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. it’s tough when friends see relationship dynamics differently. I don’t talk to a lot of friends but I’ve learned to text them just to let them know I’m thinking of them. Or like one friend last week who did some vague booking about not being able to find help anywhere, just there to listen on the other end of the line. If they don’t mind hearing my kid interrupting the conversation now and then, I’ll talk but most times I just hope they understand.

    Hope you get to enjoy your time for yourself. Listen to the muse and write those stories 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I need to be better at letting them know I’m thinking of them. I’m not good at that part, but I do think of people often. I just, well, only do that. Sigh.
      I can feel myself shaking off the doldrums of Jan and Feb. It’s a good sign.

      Like

  4. I don’t have a whole lot of friends I see, really for the reasons you give. I really enjoy interacting with a lot of my work colleagues or with people at my som’s hockey games, but maintaining friendships outside of those venues is tough. I need lots of alone time and I’m very content in my own head. I have a few really good friends that I can go for years without seeing and we can pick right up where we left off. But consistently maintaining friendships (even online sometimes) takes a lot of effort for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a hard time saying that- I need lots of alone time and I’m very content in my own head-I need to practice it, like a mantra!
      It can require a lot of effort. I have one friend that I see every few years and it’s like it was yesterday. It’s a comfort.

      Liked by 1 person

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