So, here we all sit on a Sunday night, staring at our screens. My avoiding must be done for today because I see words appearing underneath a picture of a woman with more sense than me.
On any given day these are the things I am avoiding, not in any particular order, just the way they showed up in my head for the more psychologically inclined of you.
- thinking about money
- paying bills
- looking stupid
- conversation with my kids
- living in the moment
- disconnected sex
- cat litter boxes
- the Principal
I won’t say it’s a definitive list but I’m starting to feel hungry, a sure sign I’m getting uncomfortable with our level of intimacy. I’ve never sat in front of my computer, watching Hell’s Kitchen and thought to myself (a woman who abhors cooking, and thinks Gordon Ramsey is a bit of an arrogant asshole) Self, what are you avoiding?
This fascinating article came across the screen of my phone this week.
I’ll wait here while you read it. It’s truly, very worth the effort.
Oh, you’re back! See, now don’t you feel better, he called you amazing in the first sentence! Amazing, I tell you, yes, at avoiding things but still…, right?
What struck me is how well he knew me, I think I’ve tried all of those things just to be able to forget what needed to be done. Everyday this week I’ve sat down at the computer and booted up a news site or mindlessly started watching T.V. shows I don’t care about, stopped for a moment, looked around, and thought, what am I avoiding.
More often than not, I’m avoiding expending energy. I’m tired and I want to be entertained. However, a few times this week I’ve caught myself avoiding something else entirely and it’s left me thinking.
Friday night I sat down at my computer and flipped on a show, then I thought, What am I avoiding? The nerve-racking part, I answered myself, You’re putting off the re-branding of your novel so you don’t have to face more dismal sales in another category.
Well, self, that hurt a little. Ouch. It’s also astoundingly accurate. Now what?
I went back to the article, looking for instructions on how to feel better about myself. Instead I found that, oops, I skipped number one, oh well. Okay, number two, check, I asked the blasted question. Here we go, number three, Now face it. Crap. Is number four any better? Take Appropriate Action. Well, shit, that sucks.
I’ll just skip to the best part, after I realized how much that little exercise sucked.
I rewrote the preface of my novel, tweaked it here and there to better suit the humorous, life-like tone of the rest of the book. Much more needs to be done, but damn it, after almost a month of avoiding starting the task, I’m on my way.